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Mental Suicide: The Danger of Grudges and How to Let Go

In Harper Lee’s internationally acclaimed novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, the author transports us to the heart of the American South during the 1930s. Lee introduces us to her female protagonist, an adventurous girl named Scout. There’s a scene where Scout is fighting other children because they are ridiculing her father, Atticus Finch. Atticus is a soft-spoken, whip-smart attorney who has shouldered a difficult 3d mink eyelashes manufacture, defending a black man in court. Atticus isn’t proud of his daughter’s brawl, and advises her accordingly: “You just hold your head up high and keep those fists down… No matter what anybody says to you, don’t let ’em get your goat. Try fighting with your head for a change.”

3d mink eyelashes manufacture
3d mink eyelashes manufacture

Atticus is teaching two things-forgiveness, a medicine that is even more potent for the forgiver than the forgiven; and clear-headed logic, which enables Scout to step back and see the big picture, to assess the intensity and importance of a situation, to pick her battles, and to let go of that what weighs her down.Eizeh

In his way, Atticus encourages mindfulness. Without practicing conscious thought, we don’t realize how our unconscious brain actually stores maladaptive experiences-purely with good intentions, since our brain seeks to protect us, and 3d mink eyelashes manufacture out with defensive thoughts against others or even ourselves. In essence, though, these backstories backfire; “the hysterical is historical” you could say, because a reaction that is much stronger than the infraction is a reaction that emerges from past 3d mink eyelashes manufacture.

For instance, if you’re sitting in a staff meeting and can’t stop mentally attacking a coworker whom you hardly know, it helps to remind yourself that this is NOW. Examine why your reaction is so strong. Often it is because you are reminded of a maladaptive pattern or person from your past (and this may have absolutely nothing to do with the present situation). When you bring those thoughts into the light of 3d mink eyelashes manufacture, you have a choice of what to think. You can decide to decrease the attacking thoughts which are generating an overdose of stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, making you tense and unhappy. Carl Jung referred to these unconscious patterns as our “shadow”… fragmented parts of ourselves that live outside of awareness and recommended that we shine a light on our shadow instead of projecting it on other around us. Mindfulness aids the process of shining a light on our shadow.

You know how awful it feels after you get riled up, after the heat of your unchecked anger simmers down to become a cold lump of resentment. You know how awful it feels to direct toxic thoughts against someone else-you are projecting your grudge, even if you don’t speak. If you just stop to think about it, holding on to anger and bitterness doesn’t hurt anyone else more than it hurts you. The negativity and anger brims and 3d mink eyelashes manufacture within you, destroying you. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

“Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying, you’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me. It’s saying, You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future.” -Jodi Picoult, The Storyteller

Practice this next time you find yourself in such a situation. Visualize your muscles as knots. Drop your attention into your body and assess how you are holding your muscles. You’re probably extremely tense.

Your body might, in fact, even be physically hurting or uncomfortable from the amount of pressure you’re putting on it. Imagine that you find these knots and you are loosening them. You are letting go of stress.

Instead of reacting, try responding. Shift your awareness to the attacking thoughts and focus on a compassionate mantra, a kindness 3d mink eyelashes manufacture:

May I be healed. May I be at peace. May I be filled with loving kindness.

Like Scout, there are many people who are plagued by anger, a sense of injustice and bitterness, and negativity. Of course you must stand up for what is right, of course you should act upon your honor and integrity, and of course you are not supposed to swallow all the wrongs of the world. But, like Atticus, you must know that there is a better way. This way is more peaceful yet more effective in the long-term. The way of calm reassessment, of logic and love powerful enough to be reckoned with. The way that keeps your blood level and heart rate and stress chemicals in check, and keeps you happy and alive for longer.

Mindfulness helps children like Scout hold their head up high, their fists down, and to keep others away from “getting their goat”. They learn to use their head to handle disputes. The Journal for Family (2013) reported that in a study of 400 children, mindfulness training resulted in significant increases in the students’ attention, self-control, classroom participation, and respect for others. Consequently, there’s been further interest in using mindfulness as an educational tactic. The UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center found improvements in the self-regulatory abilities of preschoolers and elementary school students after they participated in just eight weeks of mindfulness training-and children who initially were most challenged by self-regulation showed the strongest improvements!

Although it is ideal to begin this practice at a young age, it is never too late to begin to strengthen your inborn capability to self-regulate. Your brain retains its plasticity for a lifetime; you need never stop growing and learning. It is never too late to heed the advice of Atticus Finch by refusing to allow others to “get your goat”.

The mindful practice of noticing our thoughts is what increases our awareness of how we react based on past hurts and resentments. It decreases our stress levels, enables us to think more clearly, to consider the consequences, and to fathom and accept someone else’s point of view. Forgiveness is the next step-the release of those hurts and resentments, and the catharsis that ensues from this.

Mindfulness Practice

Drop your attention into your body and notice tension and holding. The bodily sensations can be a signal that you may act reactively instead of proactively. Allow a few minutes during the day to check in with bodily sensations.

It is also helpful to keep a mood chart on your calendar and draw arrows up for times you feel good, to the side when you feel numb and down when you are experiencing negative emotions. Over time you can go back and shine a light on your patterns during the week. Ask yourself,

What sets me off?
What grievances am I holding on to?
What behaviors do I need to forgive and let go in myself and others?
Mindfulness is a practice and it may take time to face your shadow and let go of toxic 3d mink eyelashes manufacture. You are priming your brain to think in new ways and that takes time to move from bitter to better.

Use the acronym NOW as a guide:

NOTICE: what you are thinking and feeling.

3d mink eyelashes manufacture
3d mink eyelashes manufacture

OPPORTUNITY: View interpersonal challenges as an opportunity to be better and not bitter
WITHIN: By going within yourself you begin to shine a light on your shadow side to help you respond instead of 3d mink eyelashes manufacture.

 

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